Living beings prioritize their own survival above all else. To ensure survival, they seek to obtain what they perceive as beneficial (benefit acquisition desire) and strive to prevent the loss of these benefits until they can consume them (risk avoidance desire).
Benefit Acquisition Desire: When a living being finds something that can be beneficial to them, they feel a desire to acquire and consume it themselves.
Risk Avoidance Desire: Living beings also feel a desire to prevent the reduction or loss of the benefits they plan to acquire.
When one identifies something that can be beneficial, a desire to acquire that benefit arises, leading to thoughts on how to obtain it and actions aimed at acquiring it. Additionally, when there is a risk of the anticipated benefit decreasing or being lost, a desire to avoid this loss emerges, leading to thoughts on how to prevent the loss and actions to avoid it.
The desire to secure benefits and their sources to prevent the anticipated benefit from decreasing or being lost is conveniently termed as “securing desire.” The thoughts generated by this desire are called “securing thoughts,” and the actions arising from these thoughts are referred to as “securing actions.”
The desire to avoid the anticipated benefit from decreasing or being lost ⇒ Securing desire, securing thoughts, securing behavior.
Examples of Securing Thoughts and Behavior
When animals find food (a benefit), they quickly try to acquire it before other animals can take it. They guard the acquired food, resist if others try to take it, and may hide surplus food or mark it as their own to prevent theft.
Animals primarily try to secure caregivers, food, mates, and safe places. Territorial behavior is also a way to secure food, mates, and safe places.
Human Examples
For humans, securing thoughts and behavior can be seen in various scenarios:
Children: Children may try to secure their parents’ attention and prevent siblings from taking it. They might also guard their food from others, ensure their seat in a store or on a train, and want to date someone they like.
Women: Women often engage in behaviors to mark a man as their own, such as public displays of affection, leaving personal items at his place, or posting photos together on social media. This is also a form of securing behavior.
The desire to exchange numbers, date, possessiveness, and the wish to marry are all examples of securing desires.
Examples of Securing Behavior
Securing Behavior Toward a Child’s Caregiver (Parent): Crying to get the parent’s attention, staying close to the parent, causing mischief to draw attention, and attacking another child if the parent gives them attention (securing by exclusion).
Securing Behavior Toward a Child’s Toy: Trying to secure a favorite toy, attempting to retrieve it if taken, attacking the person who took it, and throwing a tantrum if the toy is taken.
Securing Behavior Toward Scarce Items: Trying to get items with limited availability first, obtaining multiple quantities of valuable items, rushing to the sale area during a limited-time offer to prevent others from taking the items, and hiding items if their quantity is low.
Securing Behavior Toward Friends: Inviting them to play, securing the closest position to them, and trying to become their best friend.
Securing Behavior Toward a Man by a Woman: Holding hands in public, showing affection in public, leaving personal belongings at his place, spraying perfume at his place, and posting couple photos on social media.
*These behaviors occur when there is a perceived need to secure something. If there is no perceived need, these securing behavior may not occur.
Patterns of Securing Thoughts
Securing thoughts target those things that benefit oneself, focusing on actions that can prevent the loss or reduction of these benefits. The targets can vary depending on the objective.
Common Securing Thoughts for Both Genders
For both men and women, securing thoughts typically revolve around essential items for survival, such as food, tools, and safe places. For example, one might feel upset if their meal is taken away, want to protect their favorite clothes from getting dirty, or desire their own private space. Additionally, experiences that have become beneficial conditions can also trigger securing desires. For example, one might want to monopolize a fun toy, buy multiple copies of a favorite comic book, hurry to get an empty seat on a train to avoid losing it to someone else, or want to date someone they have grown fond of.
Male-Specific Securing Thoughts
Men have a desire to secure good women to ensure the continuation of their offspring.
Before sexual intercourse: If a woman is reproductively attractive and not pregnant, there is a need to secure her. If she is not reproductively attractive or is already pregnant, there is no need to secure her.
After sexual intercourse: If the woman is not yet pregnant, there is a need to secure her. Once she is pregnant, there is no longer a need to secure her.
This is why men are less interested in women who appear pregnant (overweight) and why they may be more prone to infidelity if a woman gains weight or becomes pregnant.
Female-Specific Securing Thoughts
Women have a desire to secure good men to ensure the survival of their offspring and themselves.
Before sexual intercourse: If a man is reproductively attractive and has not yet reproduced, there is a need to secure him. If he is not reproductively attractive or can easily reproduce, there is no need to secure him.
After sexual intercourse: To raise the child until independence, there is a need to secure the man as a labor force. If he lacks the will or ability to protect and provide for the woman and child, there is no need to secure him.
This is why women are less attracted to men who are solely interested in sex and why they consider leaving if the man does not care for them after sex.