90% of a Child’s Personality and Future are Determined by Parental Interaction
To conclude, a child’s future is determined primarily by how their parents interact with them. Contrary to popular belief, economic power is not the most critical factor.
In simple terms, even children from welfare families can become doctors, professional athletes, celebrities, or CEOs of publicly traded companies. For parents to interact effectively with their children, they need to understand the mechanisms of human development accurately.
For example, by understanding concepts such as conditioning, response utilization, and cognitive rational behavior, it becomes clear that the following methods are crucial:
Positive Reinforcement for Desired Behaviors
Linking desired behaviors to positive feelings:
Praise or reward the child when they perform desired actions.
For instance, praise them for tidying up their toys, studying hard, or helping out with chores.
Provide rewards for sticking to agreed playtimes or other positive behaviors.
Associating Unwanted Behaviors with Negative Consequences
It’s important to ensure the child understands the negative impact of their actions rather than simply punishing them:
Ignore bad language (but praise good behavior afterward).
Make the child clean up their own graffiti.
If they run in a store, have someone else scold them.
Note: These are merely examples to illustrate the concept of conditioning. In practice, a more nuanced approach tailored to the specific situation is necessary.
For example, if a child throws a tantrum in a supermarket because they want sweets, simply ignoring them or having someone else scold them might exacerbate the situation. Instead, communicate in a way that matches the child’s level of understanding:
“If you can do X, I’ll buy it for you; if not, maybe next time?”
“Would you like to buy X for me instead?”
“I didn’t bring money for sweets today, but maybe next time.”
“You can buy it today, but that means no more treats until next month. Is that okay?”
Additionally, a child crying for sweets in the supermarket believes that this behavior is effective, which often stems from past parental interactions. Thus, it is crucial to raise the child in a way that they do not resort to such behaviors.
Parents Need to Perceive Things Correctly
For parents to provide good education to their children, it is essential for them to understand things correctly and rationally.
For example, when a child spills a glass of water, some parents might scold or react exaggeratedly. However, spilling water itself is not inherently bad. If we are to determine good or bad, it should be based on the potential negative consequences, such as “the glass might break,” “the water might be wasted,” “the floor might get wet and rot,” or “it might inconvenience others.” If these negative consequences are avoided, then the act of spilling water is not a problem.
Addressing Potential Issues Rationally
- The glass might break: If the glass doesn’t break, there’s no issue. If there’s a risk of it breaking, calmly explain the potential danger and how to handle the glass carefully. There’s no need to scold.
- The water might be wasted: If water is precious and costly, explain the importance of conserving it and encourage careful use. There’s no need to scold.
- The floor might get wet and rot: Simply ask the child to wipe up the spill immediately. There’s no need to scold.
- It might inconvenience others: Encourage the child to apologize and make amends to the affected person. There’s no need to scold.
For instance, children typically do not cry when they fall. If a parent reacts dramatically and treats the fall as a serious issue, the child may interpret it as something terrible and start crying. Therefore, if a child falls, it is important to remain calm, check their well-being, and gently advise them to be more careful in the future.
By maintaining a composed and rational approach, parents can teach their children to handle situations with maturity and understanding.
Considering Children’s Happiness
The most important thing is for children to be happy. To achieve this, we need to think about what truly makes them happy.
Ultimately, happiness is not determined by factors such as “economic power,” “possessions,” “academic background,” or “social circles,” but by “perception.”
Even if someone is poor, lacks material possessions, didn’t attend a prestigious university, or isn’t dating a celebrity, they can still be happy.
The key is to cultivate a sense of happiness in children.
| Focus on enriching their hearts. Ensure they don’t develop fearful or irritable personalities. |
However, not everyone shares this perspective. Therefore, it’s also crucial to equip children with the skills to deal with existing discomforts (negatives).
In simple terms, it is important to help them acquire a certain level of intelligence, wisdom, knowledge, and social evaluation—attributes and skills that are easily compared and valued.
Even without significant economic power, it is possible to enhance important abilities for the child’s future by determining “what is important in the long run” and “how to achieve it without spending a lot of money.”
For example, if physical ability is crucial for the child’s future, you could:
- Encourage outdoor play from a young age to teach the joy of physical activity.
- Involve them in strength training.
- Have them practice dancing with free online videos.
If a child expresses interest in playing soccer, you might:
- Build a homemade goal and set it up at home or take it to a park.
- Gather other children who want to play soccer and form a practice team.
- Find adults willing to coach soccer for free, perhaps with a future agreement to share a portion of any professional earnings.
In these ways, economic power is not the key factor. What matters is thinking about “how can I support my child’s future?”